20 Life Lessons for Your 20s (From Someone Who Just Turned 30)

I turned 30 over the weekend. Yeah, the big 3-0! The weekend itself couldn’t have been any better. There was too much food (like WAY too much food), lots of laughter and fun conversations, and hugs & kisses, and blessings, and above all, just a grand showering of love from all the people dearest to me. And seriously, having your birthday fall on the weekend is the best!

This journey to 30 came with its share of highs and lows. I’ve never been a “wild child” (though part of me still thinks that could’ve been fun), but I’ve lived, learned, and grown in ways I never expected. Here are a few of the lessons my 20s handed me — some gently, some not so much.

Here’s the TL;DR version:

1. Dream big and put in the work
2. …but don’t lose sight of the relationships that matter
3. Define success on your own terms
4. You are allowed to change
5. Start taking care of your body
6. Be intentional with your money
7. Love yourself, fully and honestly
8. Don’t look to relationships to complete you
9. Worry less
10. Chase experiences, not designer “it” bags
11. Trust your own timeline
12. Remember that feeling lost isn’t failure
13. Know when to stand your ground (and when to give in)
14. You can do anything, but you can’t do everything
15. It’s okay to quit
16. Ask for the help you need
17. Try new things
18. Write things down
19. The Sunscreen Song is good life advice
20. Don’t forget to have fun

1| Dream big and put in the work

In the words of Marco Pierre White: “If you have a dream, then you have a duty and a responsibility to yourself to make it come true.”

Don’t sell yourself short, and don’t listen to the naysayers. Most of the limitations that we believe stand in our way are often self-imposed. Recognizing that truth was one of the hardest (and most freeing) things I learned in my late 20s.

But remember — dreams don’t come to life overnight. What looks like instant success from the outside is usually years of quiet work behind the scenes. Your 20s are the time to build skills, explore interests, and put in the hours no one else sees.

And sure, you could use your 20s to float, experiment, and treat life like one long afterparty. But if you have a dream that matters to you, why wait? These are the years when you’ve got energy, fewer responsibilities, and room to take risks that your 30s and 40s might not allow.

2| … but don’t lose sight of the relationships that matter

Here’s the catch: chasing big dreams can take over your whole life if you’re not careful. I learned that the hard way during my investment banking years, when late nights and endless deadlines left little space for the people I loved.

Work and ambition can light you up, but they shouldn’t come at the cost of connection. Relationships need tending. Without them, even the biggest wins can feel strangely hollow.

Keep building the life you want, but don’t forget to invest in the people who’ll be there long after the job title or paycheck changes.

3| Define success on your own terms

Here’s a question for you to consider: what does success even mean to you?

There is a version of success that the world at large seems to like best — a fat bank balance, sporting the latest trendy car, an oversized diamond engagement/wedding ring, living in a large, spacious house, and foreign vacations all the time. And if that’s your dream, great. But if it’s not? Stop chasing it.

Living a life for the sake of fulfilling someone else’s/society’s dreams and expectations is a sure-shot way to burnout, chasing something that you probably never even wanted in the first place.

The more powerful choice is to define success on your own terms and let your values shape the life you’re building.

4| You are allowed to change

Give yourself permission to change your opinions, beliefs, career, relationships, and even your definition of what you want out of life. The world is constantly evolving, and so are you.

Your 20s are a powerful time to explore and learn. Travel if you can. Speak with people whose ideologies look nothing like yours. Expose yourself to different ways of thinking, living, and being.

You won’t agree with everything, and that’s alright. Each new perspective gives you a chance to refine what you believe, to let go of ideas that no longer fit, and to grow into a truer version of yourself.

5| Start taking care of your body

Your body carries you through everything — your work, your relationships, your dreams, your joy. And health truly is wealth. How you treat it in your 20s sets the tone for the decades to come.

It’s so much easier to build healthy habits now than it is to undo damage later. Move your body regularly, find ways to eat food that nourishes you, get enough sleep, and learn to actively manage your stress. None of this has to be extreme or perfect. The point is to build consistency around the foundational health habits.

6| Be intentional with your money

You don’t have to be obsessed with saving or constantly budgeting every dollar. But you do need to know where your money is going, and whether that aligns with what actually matters to you. And like with almost all things, the compounding effect is real! The earlier you start, the more grateful your future self will be.

Personally, for most of my 20s, I wasn’t very good with my money habits. I’d spend on things that gave me quick gratification while putting off the less exciting habits like investing or building an emergency fund. I’m still working on improving my financial habits, but I promise you, this is not one of those things that you want to leave for “later”.

7| Love yourself, fully and honestly

Loving yourself is one of the most fundamental pieces of building a life you actually enjoy. It changes how you show up at work, in relationships, and even when you are by yourself.

But here’s what it doesn’t mean:

Self-love doesn’t give you permission to be unkind. Setting boundaries is healthy. Saying no is necessary at times. But none of that requires turning into the “mean girl” version of self-love that writes people off harshly or uses boundaries as weapons.

Self-love also doesn’t mean never growing. Accepting yourself as you are doesn’t cancel out your desire to improve. To me, self-love means holding space for both: appreciating yourself as you are today while still allowing room to evolve into who you want to be.

Loving yourself is about respect, compassion, and honesty. It’s not about perfection, and it’s definitely not about arrogance.

8| Don’t look to relationships to complete you

A partner can support you, challenge you, and help you grow in ways you never expected. But they can’t complete you. That work begins with how you see yourself.

If you’re chasing relationships to fill a void, you’ll keep ending up disappointed. When you come from a place of self-love, you bring wholeness and a sense of confidence into your connections, and that’s when relationships truly add meaning to your life.

9| Worry less

I spent far too much of my 20s worrying about all of the things. Like, was I on the “right path” in my career or my relations? Was I “good enough”? The “what ifs” that might happen in the future. None of it made life any better. It only left me feeling smaller and more tired.

What I’ve learned is that worry doesn’t actually protect you from anything. If something is outside your control, no amount of anxious thought will change the outcome. And if something is within your control, then the only thing that helps is taking action.

Health is a good example. It’s easy to spiral about scary possibilities — heart disease, aging, all the unknowns. But that kind of worry doesn’t get you anywhere. What does make a difference are the small, steady habits you build now. That’s where your energy belongs.

10| Chase experiences, not designer “it” bags

It’s tempting in your 20s to measure yourself by what you can buy. The trendy bag, the newest phone, the vacations that look good on Instagram. But most of those things lose their shine faster than you’d think.

What doesn’t fade are the experiences that shape you. The trips you took, the friendships you invested in, the hobbies you tried, the skills you built. Those are the things that stay with you long after the “must-have” item of the season is out of style.

Spend your money and your time in ways that give you stories, not just stuff.

11| Trust your own timeline

It’s easy to look around and feel like everyone else is moving faster — new jobs, engagements, babies, world travel. Social media only makes it worse, because you’re constantly shown the highlight reels of other people’s lives, never the messy middle. And in those moments, it’s tempting to measure yourself against these “social” timelines, even when they don’t necessarily feel true to you.

But comparison is a thief. It takes away your peace, your joy, and the ability to notice how far you’ve already come.

Your life isn’t meant to follow anyone else’s pace. You’re not behind. You’re simply on your own timeline.

12| Remember that feeling lost isn’t failure

Your 20s can be full of unknowns. Jobs that don’t fit, relationships that don’t last, plans that don’t work out. It’s natural to feel disoriented when you’re still figuring out what you want.

But don’t let that natural process of discovery convince you that you’ve failed. Some of the greatest breakthroughs in history came after seasons of uncertainty. Thomas Edison ran thousands of failed experiments before inventing the light bulb. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first reporting job before becoming a cultural icon. J.K. Rowling was rejected a dozen times before a publisher finally said yes to Harry Potter.

And outside of the spotlight, it’s the same story. Most people don’t land their dream job in their first role. First apartments are rarely glamorous. Early relationships often teach you more about what you don’t want than what you do. None of that is failure — it’s the process of growing up and shaping a life that fits you.

13| Know when to stand your ground (and when to give in)

This is one I’ve had to learn the hard way, usually after walking away from conversations, replaying everything I should have said, or feeling exhausted from pushing a point that didn’t really matter in the larger scheme of things.

Not everything needs to turn into a fight. But some things do matter enough to hold your line, even if it makes things tense.

There’s no formula for knowing which is which. You learn by listening to how you feel afterwards — whether you’re at peace with yourself or carrying that familiar weight of regret.

14| You can do anything, but you can’t do everything

There’s a difference between being capable and being available for everything. For years, I treated every request like a competence or “goodness” test I had to pass. All it really proved was that I didn’t know how to say no, or often, stand up for myself.

Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should. Trying to be everything for everyone comes at a cost — your energy, your peace, and the time you could be putting toward what matters most.

The same goes for your goals. You can’t pour yourself into twenty things at once and expect to thrive. Focus is what allows you to go deeper, get better, and actually move forward.

15| It’s okay to quit

Some things just aren’t worth pushing through.

An unhealthy relationship. A friendship that’s stopped feeling mutual. A job that drains the life out of you. Even a book you’re forcing yourself to finish out of guilt.

Quitting doesn’t mean you’re choosing easy. Sometimes it simply means that you finally stopped abandoning yourself. Learning when to walk away is just as important as learning how to stick it out.

16| Ask for the help you need

For too long, I thought independence meant doing everything on my own — at work, at home, even emotionally. Asking for help felt like weakness, like admitting I couldn’t handle it all.

But I’ve come to realize that asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. It means you know your limits. It means you value your energy. And it gives the people who care about you a chance to show up.

Life was never meant to be carried alone. Whether it’s leaning on friends, family, mentors, or even professionals, letting yourself be supported doesn’t make you less capable or weak. It only makes you more human.

17| Try new things

Trying something new stretches your world just a little wider. It gives you stories, surprises, and sometimes even the confidence to try the next new thing. Yes, it can be scary. Stepping out of your comfort zone usually is. But big, beautiful things tend to happen right on the other side of that edge.

One of the most valuable “new things” I tried in my 20s was living alone. It shifted my perspective in ways very few other things could. I learned how to rely on myself, how to sit in silence, and how to manage my space, time, and finances without expecting anyone else to pick up the slack.

At its most basic, it taught me how much effort goes into simply keeping a home running, and gave me a whole new appreciation for my mother’s invisible labor growing up.

Whatever the “new thing” looks like for you — living alone, picking up a hobby, moving to a new city — give yourself the chance to try.

18| Write things down

Especially your goals.

There’s something about putting dreams into words that makes them feel real, like they actually belong to you, not just some abstract idea floating in your head.

For me, having a tangible, physical reminder helps keep things focused, which is why I love vision boards so much! It’s easier to stay connected to what matters when it’s right there in front of you.

I also find I process things so much better when I write them down. Over the years, journaling has been one of the most grounding tools for me, whether I’m working through something, clarifying a decision, or just getting honest with myself.

19| The Sunscreen Song is good life advice

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve replayed Baz Luhrmann’s Sunscreen Song. And honestly, it still holds up. Wear sunscreen. Take care of your knees. Floss. Be kind. Dance. Don’t read beauty magazines. All of it is gold.

It sounds silly, but sometimes life’s best wisdom is the simplest. And yes, seriously, wear the sunscreen.

20| Don’t forget to have fun

Your 20s don’t have to be a decade-long productivity project. Yes, it’s a time to build, to experiment, to figure yourself out. But it’s also a time to live.

Go out dancing. Take the spontaneous trip. Laugh too loudly with your friends. Enjoy summer evenings at the park. Plan fun date nights. Do the things that won’t show up on a résumé but will stay with you for years.

If you spend your 20s only preparing for your future, you’ll miss the beauty of the present. Build your life, yes, but don’t forget to live it too.

These are my life lessons from my 20s — a mix of hard lessons, gentle reminders, and innate knowledge that I can handle whatever comes my way. Do these resonate with you? What were your life lessons learned from your 20s? And what else would you add to the list?